My dear son Benício,
Ahh, my boy! (sigh)… You didn’t win a single one today…
Today, I saw you go through an experience that really touched me. I want you to read these words slowly, when life’s challenges or future moments of frustration make you feel defeated. It may be a long letter, but I promise that with every line, you’ll feel your dad’s love and admiration.
Oh, my boy, what I saw today made me happy in a way. You stepped into that new Jiu-Jitsu academy after being out of it for over a year. When you took classes back in St. Catharines, you were still a kid just having fun. So, it might’ve been a bit of a shock realizing how things work now in Welland. Focused kids, trained by a world champion, with a competitive mindset. My 10-year-old boy, big for his age (but still with that gray and white belt)... and then the coach put you in a class with older kids, right in the middle of the big guys. A festival of difficulties… one after the other… And with each fall, my boy would look at me with frustration in his eyes and a little embarrassed smile... He’d drop to his knees for support, exhausted, drenched in sweat, trying to get back up.
It seemed like you wanted to cry and give up… I would’ve understood if you did! But you wanted to show me, at least, one victory. It broke my heart, but I knew those were your battles, and all I could do was cheer you on with my eyes full of love, sending warmth through my gaze so you could feel my support.
With each new fall, Benício, you showed more effort, but also more resilience. I saw your eyes shining with frustration, almost tearing up, with a little smile of embarrassment and disappointment. They twisted your arm (twice), strangled you, threw you down hard, and hit you with moves you’d never imagined. With every challenge, you’d get back up, soaked in sweat, tired, your knees on the floor, trying to find the strength to go again. I saw in your eyes the temptation to quit, but I also saw the determination to push forward, not to give up, and at least show me one victory.
I know how badly you wanted that win, but as the class went on, you got more and more tired. The smaller, lighter opponents started feeling more confident taking you on, and still, the setbacks kept coming. I was watching, and at that moment, I thought back to myself. When I first came to Canada, I also had tough days. Do you remember? Pushing the cart at Walmart every night, coming home completely wiped out, wanting to cry and run back to my mom’s arms. Every new day felt like a struggle. I was tired, demotivated, but like everyone, we have choices. At any moment, we can decide to give up, but something inside pushes us to try at least one more time, maybe with a new strategy, a new opponent, a new lesson learned... a secret, a trick, an ancient wisdom revealed in a dream. You have to keep going. Each setback pushed me to try again, to take the next step, even if it was small.
Just like you, I knew that falling and getting back up was the key. And, just like you, my son, our tendency is to keep going. And that’s how I became the man I am. Nothing special, sure, but I know that for my life’s journey and for my family, in some way, I’m a hero, surrounded by great partners, of course. I know that at that moment, you felt defeated, but I saw something much more important: I saw you getting up after every fall. I saw you giving more than ever, searching, without giving up. That, to me, was the true victory.
I didn’t feel sorry for your struggles or your choices... on the contrary, I was so happy to see them! Watching you on the mat... kind of getting gently crushed with sportsmanship, made me see you as a man who fights, falls, and gets back up. If you felt disappointed for not being able to gift me with a win, you might have thought I was upset. But NO, my son! Your dad is SO proud of what I saw today. Way more proud than if you’d won every match. Because I saw you get back up from every challenge, and try, try, and try again!
I think you still don’t fully understand, but on that mat, I saw the essence of what it means to be strong. It’s not about winning every battle. It’s not about being first. It’s about holding your head high when everything feels lost, and trying again. That filled me with pride, way more than if you’d won every fight. I saw a man in the making, someone who understands that life is made of cycles, highs and lows, but that you’ll always come out stronger after each fall.
You’re a boy with a thoughtful soul, Benício. You know that. You’re not the most athletic or the fastest, but your strength is in your mind, in the way you handle people, your kindness, and especially in your effort to improve. I’ve seen that in all aspects of your life: in soccer, skating, running. And in every one of those things, you have something most don’t: the courage to try. In my heart, it doesn’t matter if you finish last. The worst place is the one who never dared to compete. The worst thing is never trying.
So, when you feel like you’re being beaten, or when life feels too tough, I want you to remember this letter. Remember that Jiu-Jitsu class, where you fought like a true warrior. Remember how, even though you didn’t win a single fight, you didn’t give up, you got up, and tried again. That, my son, is what really matters. I’ll never care if you’re always victorious, but I’ll always be proud to see you lift your head and try again, no matter what happens.
It filled my heart with reassurance to think that this is the process life will use to shape you into the hero of your own life, and of your own family.
And this will only bring us closer, and help us get closer to the ideal of what it means to be human in today’s world.
Your dad loves you involuntarily... like any dad! And more than that, your dad admires you for everything you’ve become.
Well... the class ended. You had that disappointed look on your face, soaking wet as if you’d just come out of the shower! Drenched in sweat from your hard work.
On the way to the car, I said: – Wow, Beni... What a tough day, huh? Didn’t win a single one! And you, still panting, breathed and proudly answered, not letting it get to you: – No, Dad, I tied two! I smiled to myself, thinking maybe I didn’t catch every detail of the fights, and maybe I don’t even know that much about Jiu-Jitsu.
I know that, many times, the path may seem hard, but it’s this journey that will shape you. It doesn’t matter where you end up, but who you become while trying to get there. And, in the end, that will bring you closer and closer to the incredible person you are becoming.
Your dad loves you deeply, more than words can say. But, more than that, I admire you so much, Benício. I see in you a strength few people have, and every day I see you becoming a better, stronger, kinder man. That’s all any father could wish for his son, and all the world could wish for a man.
With all my love,
Your dad.
(November 2024)
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